Ryan Unveils Expansion Plans, New Regional Office

April Fools
South Mare Tranquillitatis, Moon
Apr 01, 2024

Ryan Companies announced plans today to expand its geographic territory and open a new regional office to better suit the future needs of clients. Drawings for the new 165,000 SF office building – which will be located near the Sea of Tranquility – were shown to the public for the first time Monday morning. Once complete, the facility will be home to Ryan’s first regional office on the Earth’s natural satellite.

“We’re very excited to begin work on our first facility located on the surface of a celestial body,” said Ryan’s newly formed Lunar Development division’s president, Elroy Jetson. “We’re confident in our abilities to meet the inevitable extraterrestrial demand for smartly designed, sustainable, stylish, and – most importantly – airtight facilities.”

Ryan Companies will utilize 55,000 square feet of the building to house its Lunar Division employees; food, fuel and water storage; and a fleet of construction equipment designed to work in one-sixth of Earth’s gravity. The remaining 110,000 SF is being marketed for lease and has already attracted positive attention for its cosmic charm, interior flexibility, state-of-the-art water and air recycling systems, as well as its proximity to the Apollo 11 landing site, which is sure to be one of the 22nd century’s top historical tourist attractions.

Ryan plans to break moon rock for the new lunar base in early 2030, hoist the final piece of structural unobtanium in late 2050, and get their Certificate of Occupancy in 2060.

“Of course, our timeline is entirely dependent on the advent of reliable and affordable large-scale space transport,” said Jetson. “Oh, and APRIL FOOLS!”

Media Contact
Ryan Companies PR Dept.